COUPLES THERAPY
The relationship can change when you understand what happens between you.
Couples therapy can create space to slow things down, understand the patterns that keep pulling you apart, and find different ways of reaching one another.
WHEN COUPLES GET STUCK
Often, the problem isn’t the conflict itself. It’s the pattern you find yourselves in.
One person may push for a conversation while the other pulls away. An attempt to feel closer can become criticism, defensiveness, or distance. Before long, both people may feel misunderstood—even when each is trying to protect the relationship in their own way.
Couples therapy gives us a chance to slow these moments down and understand what is happening underneath them. Rather than deciding who is right, we can begin to recognize the cycle you’ve created together and what each of you may need when that cycle takes over.
What looks like anger or withdrawal is often an attempt to protect something more vulnerable.
UNDERNEATH THE CONFLICT
The way we reach for each other is shaped by what we’ve learned to expect from relationships.
Each of us enters a relationship with ways of managing closeness, distance, vulnerability, and conflict. These patterns often developed long before we met our partner, and they can become especially powerful when the relationship feels uncertain or threatened.
In therapy, we can begin to understand these attachment patterns—not as something wrong with either person, but as strategies that once made sense. As each partner becomes more aware of what happens when they feel hurt, afraid, rejected, or overwhelmed, there can be more room to respond to one another differently.
When the relationship feels threatened, our attachment system can take over before we fully understand what’s happening.
My work with couples is informed by PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), an attachment-focused approach that pays close attention to how partners respond to one another in real time. This allows us to work with the relationship as it is actually happening between you—not only with the story of what happened outside the room.
HOW WE WORK IN THE ROOM
We won’t only talk about the relationship.
We’ll pay attention to what happens between you.
Couples therapy gives us an opportunity to notice your relationship as it unfolds in the room. We may slow down a conversation, look more closely at a moment of disconnection, or help each of you say something that has been difficult to express or hear.
At times, I may be more active—helping interrupt a familiar pattern, clarifying what is happening between you, or asking you to try something differently with one another. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict, but to help you stay connected and responsive even when difficult feelings arise.
Sometimes the most important part of couples therapy is seeing what happens between you in the moment.
A change in tone, a moment of withdrawal, an attempt to get closer, or the feeling of not being heard can tell us a great deal about the pattern between you. By slowing these moments down, we can make room for each of you to respond with more awareness rather than simply repeating what has happened before.
BUILDING SOMETHING DIFFERENT
The goal isn’t to never lose each other.
It’s to become better at finding your way back.
Couples inevitably misunderstand one another, become defensive, withdraw, or miss important bids for connection. A secure relationship isn’t one without these moments—it’s one in which both people become better able to recognize what happened and repair the connection.
In our work, we can practice slowing down before a familiar cycle takes over, communicating more directly about what you need, and becoming more responsive to what your partner is trying to tell you. Over time, this can create more trust, flexibility, and safety between you.
Repair matters more than getting it right every time.
The work is not about becoming a perfect couple. It’s about developing a relationship that can tolerate difference, conflict, vulnerability, and change without losing the sense that you’re on the same side.
WHEN TO COME IN
You don’t have to wait until the relationship is falling apart.
Some couples come to therapy in the middle of a crisis. Others come because they’ve noticed more distance, recurring arguments, changes in intimacy, or a sense that they keep having the same conversation without getting anywhere.
You may also be navigating a transition, rebuilding trust after a rupture, or simply wanting to understand one another more deeply. Couples therapy can be useful wherever you are in the relationship—not only when you’re deciding whether it can survive.
Sometimes coming in earlier gives you more room to understand what’s happening before the pattern becomes harder to change.
You don’t need to agree on exactly what the problem is before beginning. Part of our work can be understanding what each of you is experiencing and finding language for what has been difficult to communicate.
READY TO BEGIN
We can start with a conversation.
A consultation gives us a chance to talk briefly about what brings you to couples therapy, what each of you is hoping for, and whether working together feels like a good fit.